Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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