carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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