Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
