I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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