I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize