Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
