Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
