My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
