The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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