Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
