Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
