I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
