Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
