I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize