she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
