My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
