I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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