I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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