i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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