This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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