"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize