Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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