I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
