how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
