grandma shit on top of the toilet
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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