Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
