My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
