And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
