Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
