speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
