Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
