i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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