So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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