so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
