Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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