**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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