So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
