Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
