he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
