In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize