is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
