just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
