There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
