i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
