no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
