Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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