I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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