so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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