Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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