i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize