I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
