people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
