I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
