Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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