Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
