i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
