Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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