Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
