you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
