Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
