yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
