I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
