every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
