I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
