I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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