I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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