he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
