The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize