I wanna passion pit in your ass
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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