Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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