So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
