Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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