if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
