Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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