weddingsv make me drug and hornr
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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