My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Drake has all the answers
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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