My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
